she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
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I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
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What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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