this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Even my vagina gasped.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
