You really coming over, don't trick.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
