Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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