I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
