ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm gonna fight the coyote
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
