Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize