Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Someone shattered a urinal.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
