I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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