No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
