you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
