Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
