Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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