mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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