I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
