I have demons in me.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
