If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
