you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
