Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My nipple is on Facebook.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
