I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Holy shit dude........stairs
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
