Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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