Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
