I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
wrigley field is MILF paradise
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
