I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
