Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
