coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
