Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
