I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
