I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You made out with two different species that night
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
