guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
sex in a hospital.. check
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
