It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
