Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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