He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
