worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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