so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
