if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
