OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
