I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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