It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
