she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
