apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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