if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He felt like a one man threesome
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
