dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
