I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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