i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
