So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
