So drunk its hurt
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
