FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
