My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
