is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Sober January is a disaster.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
