i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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