His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
