About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
