Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
