you're like a bully in the Christmas story
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
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My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
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don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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