I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
