Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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