So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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