do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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