oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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