John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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