woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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