i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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