She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
