Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
