so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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