Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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