he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
