I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
