Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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