PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
