Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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