You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
